Every grandpa has his own personality.
Some are quiet.
Some tell stories.
Some fix everything.
Some complain about the price of absolutely everything.
But spend enough time around Grandpa and you'll eventually hear a few phrases that seem to come standard with the job.
Different grandpas.
Different families.
Same classic lines.
How many of these have you heard?
1. "When I Was Your Age..."
You know a story is coming.
It may involve walking somewhere.
Working harder.
Having less money.
Or doing something that apparently built significantly more character than anything people do today.
Whatever follows, you're going to hear the whole story.
2. "They Don't Make 'Em Like They Used To."
Cars.
Tools.
Furniture.
Appliances.
Music.
Pretty much anything manufactured after a certain year is automatically suspicious.
And Grandpa probably still owns something from 1986 that works perfectly.
Evidence submitted.
Case closed.
3. "Don't Touch My Tools."
You may use Grandpa's tools.
But there are rules.
Use the right tool.
Put it back.
Put it back exactly where you found it.
And whatever you do, don't lose the 10mm socket.
4. "That's Still Perfectly Good."
That old chair?
Perfectly good.
The cooler with one broken handle?
Still works.
The shirt he's had for fifteen years?
Plenty of life left in it.
Grandpa doesn't throw things away just because they're old.
That would set a dangerous precedent.
5. "Turn That Light Off."
You left the room.
The light stayed on.
Somewhere in the house, Grandpa sensed it.
"We're not lighting the whole neighborhood."
Every generation laughs at this.
Until they start paying their own electric bill.
6. "I'm Not Sleeping."
Grandpa is in his chair.
Eyes closed.
Television on.
Possibly snoring.
Ask if he's asleep and the answer arrives immediately:
"No. I'm resting my eyes."
Naturally.
7. "You Call That Music?"
This one usually appears when somebody younger controls the playlist.
Grandpa has already heard better guitars.
Better singers.
Better concerts.
And he's prepared to explain all three.
At length.
8. "I Can Fix That."
Nobody asked.
Nobody even finished explaining what broke.
Doesn't matter.
Grandpa is already heading toward the garage.
Buying a replacement is not an option until at least one screwdriver, two wrenches and a questionable amount of duct tape have been involved.
9. "How Much Did You Pay for That?"
Be careful answering this one.
Because whatever you paid, Grandpa remembers when it cost approximately 70% less.
Gas.
Coffee.
Cars.
Concert tickets.
Hamburgers.
Everything used to cost less.
You'll hear about it.
10. "It'll Be Fine."
Weather looks questionable?
It'll be fine.
Strange noise coming from the truck?
It'll be fine.
Fishing trip starting before sunrise?
Definitely fine.
Grandpa has survived enough things to know that worrying rarely improves them.
11. "Let Me Show You."
This is Grandpa's version of a tutorial.
It usually happens when you're fixing something incorrectly.
Or grilling something incorrectly.
Or tying something incorrectly.
Stand aside.
A demonstration is about to begin.
12. "I Know a Shortcut."
You do not know where you're going.
Grandpa does.
The GPS disagrees.
Grandpa disagrees with the GPS.
Thirty minutes later, nobody is entirely sure where they are.
But according to Grandpa:
"We're almost there."
13. "Just One More Cast."
Fishing has its own definition of time.
"One more cast" rarely means one.
Everyone knows this.
Grandpa knows this.
Nobody discusses it.
14. "Back in My Day..."
Similar to "When I was your age," but more powerful.
This phrase can introduce almost anything:
A story.
A complaint.
A life lesson.
An explanation of how something should be done.
Once Grandpa says it, settle in.
15. "Don't Tell Grandma."
And suddenly...
whatever happens next becomes considerably more interesting.
Grandpa Says a Lot. Most of It Is Worth Remembering.
It's easy to joke about Grandpa's favorite sayings.
That's part of the fun.
But behind most of them are years of stories, lessons, habits and a way of looking at life that eventually starts making more sense.
Fix what you can.
Take care of your things.
Turn the lights off.
Don't rush.
Tell good stories.
Go fishing.
Listen to good music.
And occasionally take the shortcut nobody else believes is a shortcut.
So this Grandparents Day, give Grandpa a call.
Listen to the story you've already heard.
Laugh at the joke he always tells.
And if he starts with:
"When I was your age..."
Let him finish.
Someday you'll be glad you remember it.
Stay grumpy, Grandpa. You've earned it.
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